How To Stop Worrying And Start Living Pic
How To Stop Worrying And Start Living Pic
How To Stop Worrying And Start Living Photo
How To Stop Worrying And Start Living Photo
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How To Stop Worrying And Start Living Photo
You love each other but can’t manage to commune without arguing, fighting and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, attempting to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect one self versus a new attack. And in spite of that…you love each other? How is this possible? Why do persons injure most those they love?
How come we can’t express our love? How come we are full of good purposes but when it comes to reality we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilty conscience jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.
How to stop this infernal behavior?
First let me explain why this happens.
We all need energy. We need energy to live and to survive. Energy comes in a lot of forms : love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition…
We all need this to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society.
But here it is : as long as we think this energy has to come from other humane beings, we will get caught up in struggle. Because humane energy is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn’t last. There isn’t sufficient of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most pretty one, to attract the attention from the other and to pull his energy.
If this doesn’t work, we try another strategy. We undertake to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life : when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mum goes on cooking dinner or talking with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing “sick”, mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she’s angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He learns very quickly which conduct gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, even angry, it still is energy coming his way! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.
When we grow up, and start out to date, we discover a very interesting phenomenon : when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read : attention, interest, time, love etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We don’t even have to ask for it, we don’t need to employ any scheme to pick this energy, it’s all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We “fall” in love. We closely in a literal sense fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more colour, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the sentiment we love every one and everything, even our grunchy boss! Nothing may hurt us, we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy! We are flying on someone else’s energy, and humane energy is limited!
And that is precisely the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and actions he had before. Why? The body is not capable to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long amount of time of time, they say… but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from someplace else, not from a humane being but from the source of energy itself.
So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were employed to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don’t have to do any venture to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don’t want to let this happen. At this moment our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says : “Danger! Lack of energy!”) and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior. The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now. We do what we did as a child to get energy flowing our way.
We may do this by playing the victim (“Oh poor me, look at all that I do and not a single soul is grateful! Look how good I am and still life strikes me with disapproval, sickness and misery! Oh oh oh!”). Or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and attempting to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too a heap of questions and controlling him. A fourth scheme is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatsoever he may to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.
These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back. So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the scheme that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn’t is worthy of your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.
This explains why we injure the ones we love. First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We injure our loved onces most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now we have to do it on our own and we are angry and want get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and commence our mechanism to get it. Second reason we hurt them most is because of comfortableness : they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy we try to rip their energy off, and injure them by doing that.
Stealing energy from another humane being is hurting him.
What may we do with regards to this? We ought to only be in contact with other humans when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won’t steal theirs. When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens amid people, we may give the other one energy rather of ripping him off. We must not meet each other when we are low on energy. It’s the obligation of each and each person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.
How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You likewise may contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. You may listen to gorgeous music, take a walk in nature, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you energy.
Make a list of each action and conduct that increments your energy level. As soon as you feel you’re in a conflict with your partner, boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy. Don’t say anything until your energy-level is again high sufficient to be competent to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love. If you are not capable to get your energy level any higher, go to another place, do something for you and wait until your vibrations are high sufficient to meet the other one again.
The important thing in a kinship is not to make the other happy or to suppose the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this pleasure as a free gift to the other!
Loving another humane being is giving him energy!
See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?
How To Stop Worrying And Start Living
Learn how to break the worry habit — Now and forever!
With Dale Carnegie’s timeless counsel in hand, more than six million persons have learned how to eliminate debilitating fear and worry from their lives and to hug a worry-free future. In this classic work, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Carnegie offers a set of practical formulas that you may put to work today. It is a book packed with lessons that will last a lifetime and make that lifetime happier!
DISCOVER HOW TO:
- Eliminate fifty percent of business worries without delay
- Reduce financial worries
- Avoid fatigue — and keep looking young
- Add one hour a day to your waking life
- Find yourself and be yourself — do not forget there is no one else on world like you!
Fascinating to read and easy to apply, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living deals with rudimentary emotions and life-changing ideas. There’s no need to live with worry and anxiety that keep you from enjoying a full, active life!
- Amazon Sales Rank: #1766 in Books
- Published on: 2004-10-05
- Released on: 2004-10-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .85″ h x 5.32″ w x 8.26″ l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
- ISBN13: 9780671035976
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
| Review”Those who don’t know how to fight worry, die young.” This unfortunate counsel begins Dale Carnegie’s bestseller, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, an eight-part treatise on the follies of worrying. Like other Carnegie books, this one is packed with good old-fashioned mutual sense, illustrated with examples drawn from exploration on historical figures and consultations with business leaders. Somehow, even the most simple advice–such as Carnegie’s four-step method of problem solving–is staged in a way that makes you want to write it down and post it on the employee bulletin board. Narrated by the resonant and engaging voice of Andrew McMillan and loaded with applicable real-life examples, this unabridged audiobook maintains interest throughout. (Running time: 10.5 hours, eight cassettes) –Sharon Griggins
About the AuthorDale Carnegie (1888-1955) described himself as a “simple country boy” from Missouri but was also a pioneer of the self-improvement genre. Since the 1936 publication of his firstborn book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, he has touched millions of readers and his classic works carry on to affect lives to this day.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.How This Book Was Written
— and Why
In 1909, I was one of the unhappiest lads in New York. I was merchandising motor trucks for a living. I didn’t know what made a motor truck run. That wasn’t all: I didn’t want to know. I despised my job. I despised living in a cheap financed room on West Fifty-sixth Street — a room infested with cockroaches. I still do not forget that I had a bunch of neckties hanging on the walls; and when I reached out of a morning to get a fresh necktie, the cockroaches scattered in all directions. I despised having to eat in cheap, dirty restaurants that were also in all probability infested with cockroaches.
I came home to my lonely room each night with a sick headache — a headache bred and fed by disappointment, worry, bitterness, and rebellion. I was rebelling because the dreams I had nourished back in my college days had turned into nightmares. Was this life? Was this the critical adventure to which I had looked forward so eagerly? Was this all life would ever mean to me — working at a occupation I despised, living with cockroaches, eating vile feed — and with no hope for the future?…I longed for leisure to read, and to write the books I had dreamed of writing back in my college days.
I knew I had everything to gain and not one thing to lose by giving up the occupation I despised. I wasn’t fascinated in making a lot of money, but I was fascinated in making a lot of living. In short, I had come to the Rubicon — to that moment of decision which faces most young humans when they begin out in life. So I made my decision — and that decision completely modified my future. It has made the rest of my life happy and rewarding beyond my most Utopian aspirations.
My decision was this: I would give up the work I loathed; and, since I had expended four years studying in the State Teachers College at Warrensburg, Missouri, preparing to teach, I would make my living instructing adult classes in night schools. Then I would have my days free to read books, prepare lectures, write novels and short stories. I wanted “to live to write and write to live.”
What subject will have to I instruct to adults at night? As I looked back and evaluated my own college training, I saw that the training and experience I had had in public speaking had been of more practical value to me in business — and in life — than everything else I had studied in college all put together. Why? Because it had wiped out my timidity and lack of self-confidence and given me the courage and assurance to deal with people. It had likewise made clear that leadership normally gravitates to the man who may get up and say what he thinks.
I used for a position instructing public speaking in the night extension courses both at Columbia University and New York University, but these universities decisive they could struggle along in some manner without my help.
I was disappointed then — but now I thank God that they did turn me down, because I started instructing in YMCA night schools, where I had to show concrete results and show them quickly. What a challenge that was! These adults didn’t come to my classes because they wanted college credits or social prestige. They came for one reason only: they wanted to solve their problems. They wanted to be competent to stand up on their feet and say a few words at a business meeting without fainting from fright. Salesmen wanted to be competent to call on a tough client without having to walk around the block three times to get up courage. They wanted to invent poise and self-confidence. They wanted to get in front in business. They wanted to have more cash for their families. And since they were paying their tuition on an installment basis — and they stopped paying if they didn’t get results — and since I was being paid, not a salary, but a share of the profits, I had to be practical if I wanted to eat.
I felt at the time that I was instructing underneath a handicap, but I realize now that I was getting valuable training. I had to motivate my students. I had to aid them solve their problems. I had to make each session so inspiring that they wanted to proceed coming.
It was stimulating work. I loved it. I was astounded at how speedily these businessmen produced self-confidence and how quickly a lot of of them secured promotions and increased pay. The classes were succeeding far beyond my most optimistic hopes. Within three seasons, the YMCAs, which had refused to recompense me five dollars a night in salary, were paying me thirty dollars a night on a share basis. At first, I taught only public speaking, but, as the years went by, I saw that these adults likewise necessitated the capacity to win friends and influence people. Since I couldn’t find an adequate textbook on humane relations, I wrote one myself. It was written — no, it wasn’t written in the standard way. It grew and evolved out of the experiences of the adults in these classes. I called it How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Since it was written solely as a textbook for my own adult classes, and since I had written four other books that no one had ever heard of, I never dreamed that it would have a huge sale: I am in all likelihood one of the most astonished writers now living.
As the years went by, I realized that another one of the greatest troubles of these adults was worry. A big majority of my students were businessmen — executives, salesmen, engineers, accountants: a cross division of all the trades and professions — and most of them had problems! There were women in the classes — businesswomen and housewives. They, too, had problems! Clearly, what I necessitated was a textbook on how to conquer worry — so again I tried to find one. I went to New York’s outstanding public library at Fifth Avenue and Forty-second Street and ran into to my astonishment that this library had only twenty-two books listed under the title WORRY. I also noticed, to my amusement, that it had one hundred eighty-nine books listed underneath WORMS. Almost nine times as numerous books regarding worms as regarding worry! Astounding, isn’t it? Since worry is one of the biggest troubles facing mankind, you would think, wouldn’t you, that each high school and college in the land would give a course on “How to Stop Worrying”? Yet, if there is even one course on that subject in any college in the land, I have never heard of it. No wonder David Seabury said in his book How to Worry Successfully: “We come to maturity with as little preparation for the pressures of experience as a bookworm asked to do a ballet.”
The result? More than half of our hospital beds are occupied by people with nervous and aroused troubles.
I looked over these twenty-two books on worry reposing on the shelves of the New York Public Library. In addition, I purchased all the books on worry I could find; yet I couldn’t discover even one that I could use as a text in my course for adults. So I resolved to write one myself.
I begun preparing myself to write this book seven years ago. How? By reading what the philosophers of all ages have said regarding worry. I likewise read hundreds of biographies, all the way from Confucius to Churchill. I also interviewed scores of prominent humans in a great deal of walks of life, such as Jack Dempsey, General Omar Bradley, General Mark Clark, Henry Ford, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Dorothy Dix. But that was only a beginning.
I likewise did something else that was far more primary than the consultations and the reading. I worked for five years in a laboratory for conquering worry — a laboratory conducted in our own adult classes. As far as I know, it was the primary and only laboratory of it is kind in the world. This is what we did. We gave students a set of rules on how to stop worrying and asked them to implement these rules in their own lives and then talk to the class on the results they had obtained. Others reported on proficiencies they had employed in the past.
As a result of this experience, I presume I have listened to more talks on “How I Conquered Worry” than has any other person who ever walked this earth. In addition, I read hundreds of other talks on “How I Conquered Worry” — talks that were sent to me by mail — talks that had won prizes in our classes that are held allround the world. So this book didn’t come out of an ivory tower. Neither is it an academic preachment on how worry might be conquered. Instead, I have tried to write a fast-moving, concise, documented report on how worry has been conquered by thousands of adults. One thing is certain: this book is practical. You may set your teeth in it.
“Science,” said the French philosopher Valéry, “is a collection of successful recipes.” That is what this book is: a collection of successful and time-tested recipes to rid our lives of worry. However, let me warn you: you won’t find anything new in it, but you will find much that is not in general applied. And when it comes to that, you and I don’t need to be told anything new. We already recognise sufficient to lead perfective lives. We have all read the golden rule and the Sermon on the Mount. Our disturb is not ignorance, but inaction. The aim of this book is to restate, illustrate, streamline, air-condition, and glorify a lot of ancient and basic truths — and kick you in the shins and make you do something when it comes to applying them.
You didn’t pick up this book to read with regards to how it was written. You are looking for action. All right, let’s go. Please read Parts One and Two of this book — and if by that time you don’t feel that you have acquired a new power and a new inspiration to stop worry and receive pleasure from life — then toss this book away. It is no good for you.
Copyright 1944, 1945, 1946, 1947, 1948 by Dale Carnegie. Copyright renewed.
Copyright © 1984 by Donna Dale Carnegie and Dorothy Carnegie
71 of 72 people found the following review helpful.
The Book is Like Compound-W for Worry Warts
Dale Carnegie wrote some great books back in the 30′s and 40′s, and this book is one of them- Carnegie fans won’t be disappointed.
The writing style is classic Carnegie. To put it simply, the guy just writes like he talks. This makes for a very friendly and easy to understand book, rather like a good friend giving you a piece of advice.
And a lot of advice he gives. The book is divided up into ten sections, each one tackling some aspect of worrying. I could give you a rundown of the topics, but you don’t really need me to repeat the table on contents to decide if you want to read the book. Rather, let me just say that book covers just about every major “worry issue” that might be causing a troubled mind, such as your work, your finances, other people’s criticisms- and them some.
While there are no earth-shattering, never-before-seen tips in the book, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to recommend it to anyone who is looking to ease their mind a bit. That’s because it does a GREAT job of conveying simple wisdom that really make you think good and hard about why you’re worrying and if those things are really worth worrying about at all.
In short, its a bestseller because it makes a lot of sense and its advice can do a lot to re-frame your thinking about things. And if you can re-frame your thinking, well, you’ve about found the best “Compound-W” for worry warts. Readers who enjoyed this book might also enjoy “Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World”.
125 of 134 people found the following review helpful.
If the principles are so obvious…
…why doesn’t everyone following them? Because that’s the biggest knock I’ve heard regarding this book. Some people are reading each chapter and coming away saying “well that’s obvious.” Folks, there isn’t anything groundbreaking about this book. There isn’t some type of genius method of instantly transforming your life around. It was written decades ago but the solid principles still apply today. For example, if you want to add years to your life, take a nap for an hour each day. Carnegie is then going to tell you exactly who did this and how it helped them transform their life. Read this book once, then twice, then a third time and start living these principles. They are simple but effective and they will, as the title implies, help you start living your life.
63 of 67 people found the following review helpful.
In many ways, just what the doctor ordered
If “How to Win Friends…” was about interpersonal skills, this book is about intrapersonal skills. People have criticized Dale for stating the obvious, but hey, as my mother says, “common sense isn’t common.” Most of these ideas run counter to human nature’s way of responding to conflict and criticism (defensiveness, blame, guilt, self-righteousness, etc). Instead, we are invited to replace these typical responses with non-threatening admissions of having been in the wrong if indeed we were in the wrong or water-off-a-duck’s back/unshaken poise if the criticism was unjust, unwarranted, and unreasonable. To be honest, I often haven’t thought about things the way Dale states them much less practiced his principles with consistency. Self-improvement in terms of handling my feelings is still a long-term goal of mine. I’ve made good progress, but I have a ways to go.
I think this book is very good, but I think “How to Win Friends & Influence People” is the better of the two books. Also, Dale can come off as preachy at times. I think he was a wonderful, considerate person with the best of intentions, so I hesitate reproaching this “guru” of emotional intelligence.
I did enjoy listening to stories about personal transformation. People who had hit rock bottom were able to rebound from their falls. John D. Rockefeller turned his life around, much in the style of “Silas Marner,” and no longer fretted about losing money. Thanks to his Rockefeller Foundation, countless good causes have had ample funding. I also like the story Dale shares about J. C. Penney. Penney felt that even his intimate loved ones believed the worst about him after he was implicated with the stock market crash of 1929. He became so worried that his health deteriorated. Then one day he stumbled into a chapel as the choir was singing, “God will take care of you.” He recognized the truth of those words and within 20 minutes, snapped out of his despair.
Dale really revered Abraham Lincoln, and so do I, based on Dale’s account of him. Abraham Lincoln would select men who disliked him if he thought those men were the best qualified for a given position. Someone asked Lincoln why he would consort with men who freely criticize him. Lincoln responded, “You have more of a feeling of personal resentment than I have. Perhaps I have too little of it. But I never thought it paid.” He also said, “A man doesn’t have the time to spend half his life in quarrels. If any man ceases to attack me, I never remember the past against him.” Wow! Those are the words of an enlightened and secure human being.
I think that my problem has been that I took too personally the criticism of others (both just and unjust). I’m not a vindictive person; however, I hate feeling threatened, and my self-esteem–while it has improved, it is still vulnerable. It was the feeling of self-doubt that I hated–not really the person attacking me. I made the mistake of interchanging a person for his or her mistakes at my expense. If you no longer feel threatened by criticism and believe in yourself and your potential no matter what, then I think forgiveness is easy and natural. Dale warned that we pay too dearly for grudges with our lost peace of mind.
I like how this book among others can give us the tools to completely overhaul our unhelpful (or rather hurtful) ways of thinking about things. “How to Stop Worrying…” revisits platitudes and shows how they are less trite sayings than distilled truths. Turn lemons into lemonade. Count your blessings. Don’t cry over spilled milk. He also talked about putting a “stop-loss order” on resentments, having our thoughts work for instead of against us, and how knowledge isn’t power until it is applied. Forgive and forget our enemies. No person can humiliate or disturb us; a person really humiliates him/herself when s/he attempts to humiliate others. Or Eleanor Roosevelt’s insight that no one can make us feel inferior without our permission. “If possible, no animosity should be felt for anyone.” Edith Cabbal: “I realize now that patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness toward anyone.” “Everynight I forgive everything & everybody.” “Forget yourself by becoming interested in others.” “Serving others is a sure way to forget our own troubles.” “We hurt ourselves with thoughts of revenge.” “Sympathy and compassion are the best antidotes to enmity.”
The helpful quotes go on and on, and any of the above could become a person’s mantra, depending on what issues s/he is working on. Ben Franklin had the great idea of working on one of his eight severest character flaws every week. He would alternate what vice he was trying to eliminate or at least, ameliorate. He would self-reflect upon his improvement or lack thereof. I’ve decided to imitate good old Ben and try this for myself.
I am grateful for Dale Carnegie and other helpful emotional intelligence gurus (Wayne Dyer, Deepak Choprah, and David Burns come to mind) for spelling out tools for emotional health and personal transformation. We all have great potential. As Dale said, we all live well within our means in terms of intellectual and emotional intelligence. Financially, it’s great advice to live within our means, but we pay dearly to do so intellectually or emotionally.
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